The Question…

My writing is better when I’m not worried about pleasing others with it. As my readership grew, my desire to keep more eyes coming back increased and the sincerity of each post diminished. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t genuine…ahh fuck it, I don’t really need to explain to anyone.

Many doors have opened for me over the last few weeks. Many days I sit in awe of how things have been unfolding, of how eerily correct the psychic has been, and of how excited I am for the future. But on the days when I see others suffering, I struggle with guilt. Why am I so happy when others are not?

I’m not quite sure how to deal with this yet. A friend of mine is in need of some major joy right now. She’s facing something that I don’t wish on anyone else…ever. My Bella is struggling too. Both of these ladies mean the world to me and, if I could, I’d take their suffering and make it my own. But I can’t. So I hate that I’m happy and celebrating while they are not.

I guess it’s one of those ugly realities to life that I hate. More than anything, really. I remember people walking away from me because they were happy and I was suffering. They didn’t know how to shut off their happiness and empathize with my devastation. I would never want to be that person and I refuse to be. But shouldn’t I allow myself to be happy too?

The question: When is it okay to celebrate your own victories in the face of others’ unhappiness?




8 thoughts on “The Question…

  1. Of course is okay. Hell, it’s better than okay. It’s uber-okay! It’s not like your going “I’m happy and you’re not. Ha ha!!” Good things are happening to you and you should enjoy it. It does not take away from your concern for your friends or your want to help them.

  2. That time is every time. Sometimes, you might want to consider doing it it in more understated ways than others, but your joy is your joy and it deserves to be shared. Even those friends who are suffering will appreciate your joy and not fault you it, or not for more than a moment if they do . . .

  3. When we can see clearly, the happiness of our friends brings more joy into our lives.

    When we cannot see clearly, when we are tied up in our own problems beyond joy, it doesn’t matter what anyone else does, we only see the negative in it.

    When we are between those extremes, well, it’s kind of a craps shoot… it can go either way.

    If you are happy, share that joy with your friends. It may very well brighten their day. And if it doesn’t, don’t let them bring you down… they’re just not ready to share in your joy yet, but they will be. And when they are, they’ll be thankful that you tried to share it with them when you did.

  4. I think its perfectly fine to be happy and your friends should celebrate with you. However, you should realize that they still need your shoulder and in those darker times of sadness its best to be a gracious and comforting listener. I’m not saying to turn your light off and sulk, just be careful not to gloat during their storm.

  5. I’d say you are obligated to celebrate your happiness. Those who are having challenges need to see that the space they’re in doesn’t have to be permanent. Sometimes the reflection of others’ joy is just the spark that is needed to turn things around.

  6. I struggle with internal dichotomies often – that black and white thinking, such as how to be happy about one thing and sad about another at the SAME TIME. It is possible, but for me, it doesn’t seem natural. My mental issues are strongly influenced by my cognitive distortions. Situations such as yours would give me a good opportunity to practice integrating my all or nothing thinking 🙂

    I also used to have a tendency to take on other people’s emotions as my own as well. It is still difficult for me to decipher what is my “stuff” and what is their “stuff” unless I talk it out with a neutral party. Once I do that, I find that I can empathize with their difficulties and yet still be happy about my own stuff without feeling guilty. It is not easy but it is possible.

    The other thing I try and remember is that everything will pass, both the good and bad times and thus, I try and enjoy the good ones while they are present and when things really suck, I try to tell myself that it won’t be that way forever.

    Great question. thanks.

  7. I’m going through a certain amount of crap at the moment, and when my friends are happy and doing well it makes my pain easier to bear. Your joy does not hurt anyone unless it is at their expense, and I don’t get the feeling that is something you are guilty of. You aren’t that kind of person.

    Live your joy fully. You may be helping someone without knowing it.

    *hugs* so happy that you are happy! 🙂

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