Why Wait?


I baked this weekend. I mean I really baked. I didn’t purchase a mix or anything pre-made. Bella didn’t believe it when she tasted my made-from-scratch walnut and chocolate chip cookies today. I had to call in reinforcements for verification. It’s not like me to put that much effort into cooking. I’ve always hated the idea of being bad at anything, so if I don’t already know that I’ll succeed, you’ll be hard-pressed to get me to try something new. I like to be good at everything I do. Unfortunately, my pride holds me back from new adventures. So, for my step-mom’s birthday, I sucked it up and baked until the kitchen was so hot I was sweating.

I made 5 dozen cookies and, at the end of the evening, about 1.5 remained. The family gave me two-thumbs up. However, through their compliments, I questioned whether they were only saying those things to get me to continue trying. I doubted their sincerity. But the truth is, I wasn’t so much doubting them as I was doubting myself. Most of the time I’ll accept the compliments, but I don’t believe that I’ve done enough, so I’ll smile and compromise my own feelings for someone else’s. The difficulty is finding a balance between self-interest and compromise. I’m having a hard time giving my opinion enough weight and, while I know why I always doubt myself, sometimes it’s still excessive.

But today I’ve decided that I’m going to try one new thing a weekend. It doesn’t have to be anything exciting…I just want it to be something that I’ve never done. I’ve chosen 20 things, hoping that I can finish them by the year’s end, if I commit to doing one every week (with a few weeks thrown in as a safety net).

Here they are:

1 – Make a cheesecake. Any cheesecake.

2 – Play tag football.

3 – Listen to an entire screamo album.

4 – Go to a movie by myself. (This may be my last week, as I really struggle with the idea of being seen in public at a place where most people are either in couples or groups.)

5 – Wax my own eyebrows.

6 – Go a full day without using a profanity.

7 – Plant flowers for someone.

8 – Write a song.

9 – Teach Huckleberry a silly dog trick.

10 – Run a 5k.

11 – Learn to braid my own hair (my whole head, not half).

12 – Shoot a shotgun.

13 – Buy a baby shower gift for a little girl! (Ellen is kindly providing me this opportunity.)

14 – Buy myself a dress for no other reason than to have it.

15 – Rock a bikini for an entire outing, without getting sunburned.

16 – Purchase a camera.

17 – Throw a dinner party.

18 – Search for and find the perfect wine.

19 – Watch Casablanca.

20 – Write a manuscript.

Ordinary, every day things that I’ve missed out on are no longer going to be a part of my life. I have no idea how long I’ll be on this Earth, my fear of failing is no longer going to create regrets.

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4 thoughts on “Why Wait?

  1. I shudder at the thought of waxing my own eyebrows. You are braver than I, my dear.

    However, you have inspired me to suck it up and do some gardening today. I’m so afraid I’ll mess up the garden I just let the weeds take it over…sound familiar? 🙂

  2. i don’t know why, probably my narcissistic tendencies, but i feel the need to make a comment on each item in your list…

    1 – Make a cheesecake. Any cheesecake.

    i recommend one with a THICK crust made of graham cracker & LOADS of REAL salted butter.

    2 – Play tag football.

    meh. only if it’s nude tag football with hotties.

    3 – Listen to an entire screamo album.

    sure, why not.

    4 – Go to a movie by myself. (This may be my last week, as I really struggle with the idea of being seen in public at a place where most people are either in couples or groups.)

    this was a tough one for me too. went to my first movie by myself at 27. it’s not as bad as you think. you’ll notice more singles when you go alone, maybe even some you can meet. and it gets easier.

    5 – Wax my own eyebrows.

    done it. was fun. didn’t hurt as bad as i expected. in fact, i rather enjoyed the pain. but i’m a sadist, so there’s that.

    6 – Go a full day without using a profanity.

    i can’t possibly imagine a reason why you’d want to do this.

    7 – Plant flowers for someone.

    done this. and it was very satisfying. definitely do it.

    8 – Write a song.

    i think you’d be great at this. can’t wait.

    9 – Teach Huckleberry a silly dog trick.

    no comment other than that i hope “huckleberry” is a man.

    10 – Run a 5k.

    i would drop dead.

    11 – Learn to braid my own hair (my whole head, not half).

    i think i’ve done this too. i’ll spare you the details.

    12 – Shoot a shotgun.

    now THIS could really change your life. definitely go for this one. i think you’d be amazing with a gun in your hand.

    13 – Buy a baby shower gift for a little girl! (Ellen is kindly providing me this opportunity.)

    this might be enjoyable. go somewhere special, like a place that sells really good well made clothes. make it an experience.

    14 – Buy myself a dress for no other reason than to have it.

    same as 13.

    15 – Rock a bikini for an entire outing, without getting sunburned.

    can i go?

    16 – Purchase a camera.

    just get an iphone.

    17 – Throw a dinner party.

    yes. and invite me. i’ll even dress up. 🙂

    18 – Search for and find the perfect wine.

    there are way too many for just one to be perfect. find two or three that you love. try some different grapes from different regions.

    19 – Watch Casablanca.

    if you’ve never seen casablanca i don’t know if we can be friends any longer.

    20 – Write a manuscript.

    good idea.

    great list hon. *hugs & kisses*

  3. I like this! My goal for the next while is learning to run. I’m starting to actually enjoy it. I, too, suffer from wanting to be the best at everything (this being the reason that I have not re-tried the loaf of bread that tasted good but was nicknamed “ass bread” because of how it looked) and it is extremely hard to overcome.

    Will you write about your experiments? 🙂

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