Faith


My life is currently suffocating me.

It’s not a bad thing. In fact, everything that is happening is a blessing. I’m having a hard time finding time to breath. I think it’s my faith in the journey that’s keeping my lungs from collapsing.

With the blizzard blowing through two weeks ago, my students are having a hard time getting focused. Any teacher will tell you that this means you have to work extra hard to structure classes so every minute is full. It also means that the dance on Saturday was a shit-show. Several students showed up drunk. The rest felt the need to dry-hump (…it better have been dry). I saw some of the girls’ cha-chas while they danced a little too carelessly. I have faith that by the end of next week they’ll be more settled. It’s the 3rd quarter blues (I have ’em).

He-who-must-not-be-named sent me a text after the dance. He was at home watching movies. He didn’t have to say it but I know he’s depressed. I have to keep telling myself that I’m not responsible for his unhappiness. One of my weaknesses is feeling like I need to take on the pain of everyone else. I want to wear pain like a weighted-jacket. Sometimes I think I’m supposed to suffer so others can be happy. I ended the conversation with him when my heart-strings started singing. He knows where we stand. This isn’t an “I told you so” moment. I still hope that my predictions are wrong. I have faith we’ll both move forward and neither of us will suffer for much longer. It’s time for him to move on too.

I’m on a mission to wear a string bikini this summer and it’s not because I like flaunting my body. I am still rebuilding my confidence and this feels like a good goal. Ever since Ike, I’ve refused to show any part of my body in public. Seriously, you’d be hard pressed to find me in shorts last summer. If I can make it to June and continue the growth that I’ve felt over the last couple of months, there is no reason that I can’t walk around half-naked and feel damn good. A string bikini is symbolic of the shackles being broken. I have faith that I’ll be rocking a hot body this summer. It’s time to turn heads.

I haven’t been writing as much lately. All of the things I’ve mentioned have been bouncing around in my head so much so that I feel like I have ADHD. Focusing has been a challenge. I realized tonight that my thoughts are sticking around a little longer than they have in the last few weeks. Thank you, brain. I need a rest. I have faith that my writing will pick up again over the next few weeks. It’s time to keep plugging away.

We almost reached 70 degrees today. My family and I decided we needed to barbecue. With snow still on the ground in places and ice melting and dripping from the roof, we enjoyed a faux-spring day in February. I love days like this. It reminds me that all of the things that are stressing me out aren’t really that significant.

But I think that’s the beauty in life. Things don’t have to be significant to make you feel or think or hurt or love. Everything is important. I have faith that I’ll keep remembering that the next time I want to slip away under my covers.

I heard this song on the radio tonight. I found this video on YouTube after. It’s perfect for everything I’m saying. Enjoy.

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4 thoughts on “Faith

  1. I love that movie!

    I’m glad things are slowing down a little in your brain. Having everything going frantic is really hard – feels like fishing with a net where the holes are just a little too big. Everything slips through before you can get a grip.

    I’m looking forward to reading more!

  2. He’s not the only one who sounds depressed.
    And this: “One of my weaknesses is feeling like I need to take on the pain of everyone else.” — Me too, love. Me too. xo

  3. There can be no growth without pain- without failure, no wisdom gained.

    It’s all part of it.

    Just remember: lather, rinse but DON’T repeat.

    PS, I want pics of the “Bikini You.” :^p

    xo

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