My windshield was covered in condensation. Moisture blanketed my car and hung on the glass until the temperatures dropped enough to make the water immobile. When I reached my car this morning, I had to use a little elbow grease (and an ice-scraper) to ensure acceptable visibility.The exterior frost dissipated quickly. The interior layer clung to the glass longer.
Taking off my sweater, I gently pressed the gray wool to my windshield and removed the ice. With each circle, streak marks followed my hand like contrails. For a moment I remembered what it was like to find moments like that brilliant. To accept them for their beauty, instead of wishing them away. Yes, it’s nice when my heater warms my fingertips, but it’s also nice to notice the artistry in every-day moments that go overlooked. I’m going to try to see those more this year. I made that promise to myself this morning.
I looked in the rear-view mirror and saw a vacant parking lot, so I started backing away from my car’s sleep spot and started my day. As I looked forward, my lips were stolen by a crooked grin. Those frosty circles created artwork on my windshield. A little rose, perfectly placed about an inch above my eye-line. I haven’t removed it yet. It renewed the romanticism inside of me.
I drove about 150 miles today with the symbolic little flower floating in front of me and every destination.
I’m moving forward and abandoning the memories of sadness I carried in the last decade. I need to love myself now so I’ll be able to take those scraps of paper, those road maps I’ve already created, and piece them together to see who I let in…later.
Step 1: Create a list of attributes for my ‘perfect man’.
I need it. Not the “I’ll be back tomorrow when I’ve cooled down” kind, but the “Baby, I’m mad as hell at you, but I’m sticking around to tell you about it, because when this conversation is over, I want it to be just that…over,” kind. Not the “I’m mad and zoning out” kind or the “I’ll share just enough to survive this moment” kind.
Give me the heartbreaking, painfully honest, absolutely exhausting talks. Because if we can get through moments like that, there’s no reason we can’t succeed. I don’t shut down. I can’t be with a man who does.
You’re blond, with great teeth and an even better smile. Give me an ‘imperfection’ around your mouth. A dimple or two, in your cheeks…or maybe a scar delicately placed on your upper lip (Hello, Dermot Mulroney). Either way, something that makes you look different from every other boy on the block. Something quirky. And hot.
Dress nicely. I don’t have to love every button-down or graphic t-shirt you wear, but if there are holes, dirt smears, or Skoal impressions on any article of clothing you’re wearing, we have a problem.
And while I realize I may just have described the male version of myself, I think we all look for partners that have similar attributes. Genetics and attraction are funny things.
If you’re not passionate about something, you’re going to bore me. Whether it’s a dog, or your job, or your charity work in El Salvadore…just be passionate. I will run when you show me apathy.
But the line is tricky. If you’re a workaholic and don’t spend any time at home, that’s a deal-breaker too.
…and I’m stuck.
Literally, I have no clue what else I want in a man. So, ladies and gentlemen…readers, friends, confidants, Twitter followers, newbies…every one of…YOU…I need your help.
Give me a piece of your brain. Tell me what I need.
You’ve been married, you’ve been divorced, you’ve been cheated on, you’ve cheated. You get the idea. Now get this one:
Some of you silently read my blog and never comment. I’m asking you, begging even, to help me come up with my ‘boyfriend bucketlist’…because until I have a solid foundation of what I’m looking for, I’m not going to look.
I’ll update my list sporadically in different posts. You’ll see the growth, the development, of my perfect man-mate. And we’ll also see if the laws of attraction work.
Press comment. Give me a suggestion. Now, please…so I can love him later.
To my unnamed, unknown man:
This is what you’ll get. I just need to meet you.