47. Ferocity (Hello, 2011)

I’m figuratively fucking the prom queen this year.

I mean it. With 2010 in the record books, it’s time to focus on the next 365 days. Last year, I remembered a girl who was brave, honest, and strong. I yearned to find her again. Yes, even more than I yearned to find myself in a relationship with he-who-must-not-be-named.

Sometimes I get wrapped up in obvious problems and become oblivious to those that are deeply rooted. The ones that need to be fixed. It’s easier to live on the surface, but growth isn’t encouraged with this lifestyle.

I need to do a little blossoming. Head up, back arched, hips swaying gracefully. My smile is knocking people out left and right. Already.

I wasn’t loving myself the way that I wanted. I followed myself home every night, waiting for ‘that’ girl to turn around and walk toward the truth. Well, I’m busting truth’s door in…and I’m fired up enough to keep moving. Hello, walls. It’s time for you to come down too.

I deserve better. I want better. I’m only taking applications for things that make my life better. No more ‘okay,’ no more ‘but that’s the best offer,’ and no more ‘you get what you get and you don’t throw a fit.’ I’m kicking and screaming and taking what I want.

It’s time for a revolution. Once the martyr, now the dictator. With control over my own liberation, freedom from fear has been granted.

You haven’t stumbled upon an imposter’s blog. The start of this year comes at a moment in my life when I need to be a threat to others. Who are you and why are you in my life? Why should I give you a chance? If you don’t have an answer, I don’t have time for you.

Give me your best and I’ll give you a shiny piece of my day gift wrapped in love and adoration. Otherwise, you’re imprisoning my spirit. I no longer have time for abuse. Side note: If something I say makes your skin crawl, perhaps it’s your insecurities or problems (and not my words) that are making you that way. Look in the fucking mirror before you judge me. Oh, and while I’m at it, fucking man-up and ask me the questions. Don’t over-analyze, question, or assume. That’s ignorance and we’re too old for that. Now that I’ve given you a reason to be mad, go talk it up. At least this time, you’re not being ignorantly slanderous.

Now, where can I get a corsage? If I’m adding a notch to my belt (eventually), I’m doing it with style.  😉

To James: I hope you enjoy your hand as much as you enjoyed me.

P.S. I’m not sorry.


5 thoughts on “47. Ferocity (Hello, 2011)

  1. Wow Fina! Breaking beautifully to build better walls and steeper – brighter windows. Life is about finding ourselves while still maintaining boundaries to grow and not constantly be infiltrated by toxic outside influences… but still learning from every stretch and bend. You are magical in this year and the next. Your smile is ferocious and your beauty is catching. I am inspired by you. I am in awe of you. I love you. Soul Sister BFF. Onward we go… ♥

  2. “I deserve better. ”

    You deserve the best!

    “I want better”

    You will have the Best.

    I Wish that the year 2011 and the ones to follow, give you what you want, what you desire and what you long for.

    Life is never easy, change of attitude is.

    I have read through every post of yours and known the change, felt it, haven’t seen it through my eyes though. But I have seen it in my heart. In Yours As well.

    Go get it, it is yours. That’s your life.

    Love Vic

  3. Pingback: Get Out Your Glitter: a Note on the New Year, Growth, and Sparkling Birthdays. « Future For Fina

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