44. Marry Me


As I was drifting to sleep last night, I received a phone call from James. I picked up, knowing that he had been out drinking; curiosity and I are great friends.

We talked for thirty minutes. Joking in our own way.

James: “What are you wearing, Fina?” Side note: The man doesn’t like lingerie, so he wasn’t really interested in what I was wearing. He was trying to make me squirm.

Fina: (laughing) “A t-shirt, an MSU hoodie, some green velour sweat pants circa 2005, and socks…up to my knees. My house is a meat locker.”

He knew I wasn’t coming over, but he didn’t care. I knew he wanted me to come over, but I didn’t care. At 1:30, I said good night and turned off my phone’s ringer

Upon waking up this morning, I had 3 missed calls from James. I know him too well.

But I also had 2 text messages in my inbox. From Michael.

Michael: “So I just heard the last half of a song by Train about marriage, which might be the title. But tell me why I thought of you when I heard it.”

If you remember, Michael introduced me to another little gem of a song in My Life: The Musical. Because of his divine taste in music, I jumped out of bed, hoping that I would love the song he heard.

This is what I found on Youtube:

I haven’t responded to his text messages. My heart wants to allow Michael to take care of me…but I just don’t think it’s supposed to happen.

What girl in their right-mind wouldn’t want a guy to think of her when he hears this song?

This one. Me. Fina. At least…not THIS song with THIS guy.

I can’t deliver to Michael the same love and passion he feels toward me. Not fair to him. And, what’s not fair to me is how badly I want to reciprocate that feeling for someone else. It’s just as important as someone feeling it for me.

A few posts back, I said I’d give him a chance. I don’t know if his early morning text messages made me rethink this, but I know now that it just can’t happen. And, in a way, that makes me really sad.

I’m starting to think I need to stop writing about being happy while I’m single. It’s like the coincidence gods hear me and immediately make me their bitch.

James asked me to come spend the night with him tonight. He rented movies.

…I haven’t exactly told him no.

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3 thoughts on “44. Marry Me

  1. Video didn’t come through, but I bet I know what the song’s about. Listen, kid, the heart wants what the heart wants. Go watch your movies. It’s either meant to be, or the universe has another lesson for you to learn from him. Either way, why fight it?

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