37. St. Sarafina (Part II)


Both clad in my riding boots, we made it three blocks before Ed was frantically calling Kacey’s phone. He told her that he was coming to meet us and asked if  we would stop walking so he could catch up. Smart man. Who wants their current and ex-girlfriend to go out drinking together alone?

We sat on a stone wall near a church (who is going to have a cat fight on holy land?) and waited for him to make it to our location. Fortunately, Kacey and I have never spoken so we had plenty of life to discuss. I kept the conversation mostly about her. Truthfully, I did want to know more about her life. If Ed could spend two years of his life with her, I wanted to know what made her special. More of my thoughts on this momentarily.

Ed caught up with us quickly. Clearly, he didn’t want to give us too much time to talk. I wasn’t really looking forward to her questions either, so I was thankful he made it as fast as he did. Side note: he’s really attractive when he runs.

We began our journey. The bar was only three more blocks south, so we were almost to a neutral spot where loud music, other patrons, and a fun atmosphere would most likely make our threesome easier to swallow. I picked up the pace…

Surprisingly, Ed and I began talking as if we’d talked frequently throughout our years apart. We laughed about our history, he asked about my friends and family, and inside jokes that I’d forgotten about were brought to my attention. The silences were easy too. It was okay when there was nothing else to say. Moments of peaceful quiet were appreciated. The world was at bay.

Kacey didn’t seem bothered by our immediate bond. And, truth be told, this is probably one of the reasons that Ed loves her. She trusts him…even when the former girlfriend with killer dimples, wit, and passion looks directly at him with joy and hope in her eyes. That glimmer, my spark, wasn’t necessarily directed at wanting him to be mine. It was in hopes that we can, at some point, have another conversation like the one we shared that night. I miss him for those moments.

When we arrived to Main Street, we went straight into the first bar we found. A dive. My favorite.

Kacey and I found a table near the dance floor. Ed went straight to the bar. Perhaps he and I were feeling different levels of comfort. As I turned to make a drink order, Ed handed me a beer. Then quickly turned around to grab tequila shots and a pineapple juice chaser.

Looking straight at me, after seeing the confused look on my face, he commented on the strange combination.

“Everything tastes better with pineapple juice. Try it.”

It was good.

A few minutes later, after Ed and I picked up on our conversation, Kacey’s head began bobbing a bit. She was feeling the effects of her tequila/juice combo. Then, out of nowhere, she requested that Ed leave the table and begin dancing with her.

He declined.

Looking defeated, a bit frustrated, and very intoxicated Kacey grabbed her beer and lowered her head as a sign of submission to his refusal. I looked at Ed. He was still sitting across the table smiling. He wasn’t going to dance with Kacey.

In that moment, I knew that Kacey would not continue to be supportive of our new friendship if her boyfriend continued shooting down her requests and continued talking to me. Without further questioning my actions, I grabbed Kacey’s hand and pulled her onto the dance floor. If the girl wanted to dance, I’d bust a move.

We danced. A lot. Ed sat at the table by himself and watched as we sang bar-favorites like Journey and grooved.

I was growing tall in my decisions. Would I have made these decisions several years ago? Probably not. While dancing with Kacey, I celebrated a silent victory. I still had feelings for Ed, and I had every opportunity to wreak a little havoc, but I chose not to act. His and her happiness are equally as important as mine. No, I wouldn’t have tried to hook up with him…but I certainly could have made their argument a little more likely.

After dancing for 30ish minutes, a friend of mine text me. He was in town for work and wanted to meet me at the bar. Which was perfect timing, considering that Kacey’s head was bobbing a little more than before. I told Ed that I’d more than likely leave with Jon (my friend) and that he and Kacey were more than welcome to join us. Ed declined. Jon went to college with us. They’ve never really gotten along. Jon had a ‘thing’ for me while Ed and I dated. Feelings of resentment are still harbored, I’m sure.

About the time Jon arrived, Kacey and Ed were getting ready to leave. But before leaving, Ed finally succumbed to Kacey’s wishes and danced with her.

In truth, it was a little uncomfortable to watch. She was thrilled. He was laughing. I was still single. And part of me will always want to dance with Ed.

What I learned last Saturday?

Life is never going to figure itself out. Unless I make conscious decisions to be a good person and to treat others the way I wish to be treated, it aint gonna do it on its own. As I’ve said before, Ed and I broke up for a reason…it’s called a break-up because it’s broken…but maybe, someday, I’ll find another Ed. And this time? I’ll be the Kacey.  I’ll want and hope that the other Fina will lend me shoes and dance with me.

Even if the other Fina doesn’t try to be the bigger person, maybe I’ve created the spark inside the real Kacey to pay it forward.

Who knows. Life is complicated. And it’s beautiful. And any time anyone wants to dance, I’m going to oblige. I don’t know when the music is going to stop…and I’m not willing to miss an opportunity to show off any of my sweet moves.

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16 thoughts on “37. St. Sarafina (Part II)

  1. Great story and You laid it out with Grace my sweet. You love this write because it was your closure. I felt it, you moved on even more than you had before. You rose above and were proud you did. I was proud as you so vividly let me witness it. Love it and as always… love you. ♥

  2. You are awesome Sarafina; can’t wait to dance with you and see those moves….maybe you can teach an old dog some new tricks!

  3. It’s called a break-up because it’s broken. Love that book. Actually my ex-best-friend still has my book. =[
    I’ll have to buy another one.

    You are a good person Fina.. and I think that it’s not Ed you want.. it’s how Ed treated you that you want.

    You deserve it honnie.. and you’ll get it.. it just takes time. I’ve been in an off/on relationship for about 2.5 years. It’s nothing like you described about Ed.. but I’m in love with him and I can’t walk away.

    • I have feelings for Ed, but I think I always will. It’s because he treated me so well. I know I should be with someone LIKE Ed…not Ed, specifically. He’ll show up sometime. When he does, I’ll be the girl blindsided by his interest and amazed by his affection. Waiting is so worth it 😉

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