Day 11 – It’s Not My Ass

Day 11 – Something You Always Get Compliments On

I have a white girl ass. Always have. Unless I buy those ‘bump-it’ underwear, or work my glutes every day for the rest of my life, it’ll probably always be small and flat. …so it’s not my ass.

I’m 5’3. Although my stems are pretty stellar for a girl of my height (they are seriously pretty great), they aren’t the first thing you notice…unless I’m rocking dukes. If that’s the case, ass and legs are noticed. I don’t know very many 27 year olds with a cellulite-free backside/thigh region…so, albeit great, they’re sort of the underdogs of my body.

My feet are way too big for my short stature. I hate my hairline. And in the words of “Knocked Up” I could certainly ‘tighten’ my midsection. Although, I will say, I’m wearing a size 6…so it’s not a complete disaster.

However, there is one compliment I’ve received for as long as I can remember.

Three hints:

1) Toothpaste
2) Million dollars
3) DSLs

I’ve got a ‘suck you in and keep you distracted’ smile. And, it’s not just the shape of my mouth that makes it pretty…I have a few other weapons in that region that help. To clarify:

1) DSLs.

Yes, Angelina Jolie might have better ones, but I don’t see many other sets of lips (in REAL life) that compare to mine. My guy friends have all referred to them as DSLs at some point. And while that might seem offensive, I’m not blowing them so I take it as a compliment.

p.s. If you don’t know the acronym DSL. Check it out at Urban Dictionary.

2) WMDs.

If Bush could have ‘em, so can I. They sit less than an inch away from my lips, gently resting on my cheeks. If the dimples don’t get noticed, you’re probably playing for the other team…and that’s not fair either, because I get compliments from pretty much every guy about my smile…gay or straight.

p.s. If you don’t know the acronym WMD, I probably can’t convince you to pick up a TIME Magazine.

So to recap:

DSLs + WMDs = back pocket assets.

But the greatest part of it all?

When I was younger, I wanted to model. Ellen and I went to a casting call while we were in junior high. Each of us were offered a spot at a run-way show where we’d walk in front of agencies. I was short, but the gentlemen critiquing my photo/appearance immediately said:

“One of the biggest campaigns I’ve ever done is a toothpaste ad. You, young lady, could blow my smile out of the water.”

I use this grin to my advantage every day. Whether I’m in the classroom (and kids are pissed at me), trying to play dumb (being blond with dimples works to my advantage), or trying to get noticed, the first (and only) thing I flash is a smile.

Slam dunk. Every time.


2 thoughts on “Day 11 – It’s Not My Ass

  1. Fina,

    I started reading you yesterday and I need to go back and start it from the begining. “It’s not my ass.” is priceless. I want to print it and tape it my mirror or fridge. You have a white girl ass and I have a BIG ass…LOL, go figure. And by the way, DSL’s are good…Very good!
    Just like you I can’t wait to read more. Add me to your fan list!



    • Girlfriend, welcome to my journey! Start at the beginning by clicking “Start here” on the right side (under categories). It’s been one HELL of a ride, but so fun!



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