Day 07 – Someone who has made your life worth living.
Well, color me happy. This prompt couldn’t have come at a more opportune time. See, if you’ve been reading, you know that a friend of mine passed away last weekend.
One of the beautiful truths of my blog is that I’m extremely honest. And, even in times when we shy away from honesty, that’s just not my thing. This week, after KM’s death, has been one of reflection. Among the most introspective moments, sit those times when I think about the people in my life who don’t hear three words enough from me. After someone dies, I always think about MY funeral: What would it look like? Who would be there? Did I say everything that needed to be said? Are they going to be left with questions about who I really was as a person? And even while reflecting on these things, I feel a bit selfish. After all, a man adored by many just passed. How can I think about myself at a time like this? But the truth in life is that it keeps going, even when you want it to stop for a while. So my mind keeps pushing forward while my heart wants to hibernate. That’s life, friends.
This blog is dedicated to the people in my life that make it worth living, but it also serves another purpose. If KM were still here, he’d appreciate the honesty…the dirt.
It seems a bit shallow to focus on one person, as there are a plethora of people who make my life whole. My personal cheerleaders, my confidants, my life-long friends, my beautiful family…all of which make my life so much more complete. Thank you for being a friend. Now, to show you in words what you’ve done for my heart…
To Topher and Justice:
Two unknown players in my story. Let me introduce them to you:
When I met Justice, Topher and I were best friends. And by best friends I mean that there isn’t anything I can’t share with him, that he won’t look me straight in the eye and tell me the truth about. And then, even when I’ve fucked up, pick me up and point me in the right direction. The fear of losing him to another girl loomed over me through the early stages of their relationship. I’ve lost many guy friends to relationships. However, Topher is loyal, honest, and kind. I don’t know when or how the ‘Fina’ conversation happened, but I’m sure it did. And I’m glad Justice is as understanding as she is, otherwise our story might have taken a different route.
The beauty of their relationship is that I didn’t lose a best friend. I gained another one. Justice is vibrant, beautifully forthcoming, and hilarious. She isn’t just my best friend’s wife. She’s my best friend too.
To the two of you: Thank you for being there is some of the darkest moments of my life. You never gave up on me (when so many others did). Even in those moments when you feared where I was headed (back into Ike’s arms) you stood by me, showing me no signs of resentment or fear…and walked the path with me in a way that I can’t say very many did.
You give me hope that a partnership like yours is still out there for me. And, knowing that you’ll be there to listen to and guide me is an honor I don’t believe I deserve. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
No words can describe the amount of love that I have for you in my heart. If I could, for one day, feel what it’s like to be as artistic as you…or as loving as you…I think my life would be better.
Bella is a movie-star quality beauty and growing up, I always felt that I’d never be able to compete with her. I’d never be Bella. I’d never be as talented or popular or smart.
The joy in growing wiser? I don’t need to be. I have her. That’s all that matters.
From the moment I saw you in your hospital bed (after her near-death motorcycle accident…I’ve never blogged it) and saw that your eyes were still kind (even when your body was broken), I knew that my life was/is far better because you’re in it. You’re patient when I’m not, you’re kind even when you’re hurt, and you’re soft-spoken in a way that still relays your message. We might be nothing alike, sister, but we compliment each other in a way that only sisters can.
I hope that someday I can take the unspoken lessons you’ve provided and use them in my life. I’ll be a better person on that day.
To Ellen and Megan:
People should dream to have such great friends in their corner. We’ve been with each other through some of the most heart-breaking circumstances.
Even though we are not in the same place in life any longer, please know that my heart still (and will always) love both of you.
Our fiery, tumultuous relationship could seem dysfunctional to others but, for me, it shows that best friends don’t have to think alike or believe the same things. It’s about being there for each other through everything. And, even when it doesn’t seem that we are, we’re always in each other’s hearts and thoughts. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t hope you’re living your dreams. There isn’t a day that goes by that my heart doesn’t swell with pride for having you two in my life. I love you both.
You’re a guiding light in my life. Since I’ve known you, I’ve come to realize two things:
1) When you’re in my life, it’s good.
2) When you’re not, I’m lost.
Even when things were rocky between us, I was still headed down the right path. Shortly after our relationship dissolved, my life was spiraling out of control. Now that you’re back, I’m exactly where I should be. Living a life that brings me happiness. Coincidence? I think not.
You and I are not long-winded, so I’ll keep it brief. My life is far better because you’re a part of it. I love you.
We’re soul-mates. The end.
Another, up-to-now, unknown player.
Even though you didn’t realize it at the time, you came into my life when I was more broken than I’ve ever been (exactly two weeks after leaving Ike).
Without even knowing you were contributing, you helped me laugh again. I fucking needed that. Thanks for accepting me into your life so quickly. I really, really needed you.
Thank you for being a friend, love. You’re the newest to make this list, but you mean just as much.
To My Family:
See #7 on my Bucket List. I can’t make it happen without each of you.
To B (my brother): Growing up, I wasn’t exactly nice to you. We had to share a room when you moved into the house and, let’s face it, back then you were such an annoying little “Chumbawumba” loving twerp.
You’ve become a man who I’m proud to call my brother…even when you’re passed out at a bar table or using ridiculous pick-up lines on my friends. You’re one of the funniest people I know. Thanks for being so devoted to your family. We all love you.
To J (my youngest sister): I see a lot of me in you. I know that’s probably not what you wanted to hear (so many people think that’s a negative thing), but I think what you can learn from this is clear.
1) Don’t be an asshole all the time. It pushes people away.
2) Use that big heart you have for good things. You’re going to inspire a lot of people with your internal goodness/passion.
3) Know the difference between walking away and being defeated. Sometimes your victories are small, but if you fight all the time, you’re probably losing even when it doesn’t seem that way.
You’re going to do great things with your life, lover. I can’t wait to see what life has in store for you. Love you.
I’m glad we are finally at a point where being in the same room doesn’t mean we’re breaking out the heavy artillery. I love you. Thanks for giving me your sense of humor. Thanks for giving me your bravery. Thanks for showing me what it means to pick yourself back up, even after you’ve fallen on your face.
I wouldn’t have learned any of those things without you. Even though I don’t say it enough, you’ve provided bigger lessons than most kids can say their parents have. I would’ve been able to learn how to brush my own freakin’ teeth. I don’t think I’d be who I am today without you.
You don’t read this, and that’s okay. I hardly want to discuss my sex life with you. Why? You’re my poppa-bear.
When I miss Granny or Gramps, I can look right at you and see both of them. What a blessing.
Your quiet beliefs shine through from your actions. Sometimes I feel that we don’t communicate enough…but then I think about everything you’ve helped me with, or everything I’ve learned through your unspoken lessons, and I know that sometimes it’s okay to shut the fuck up.
I think everyone in my life should send you a big ‘thank you’ for that. God knows I am a talker (look how long this blog is).
To the rest of you, that know you mean so much to me, thank you for being a part of my life.
To my cheerleaders, Shan and Bri: Thanks for encouraging me to keep writing. I’m proud to be your friends too. Chances are, if you’re reading this, you probably deserve your own post for what you’ve given me in my life.
Weiner – You’re not going without notice.
With all of this said, I think this has been my most treasured post of the 30 Days of Truth experiment. It honestly came at a time that was perfect.
Here I was, almost a week ago, talking to @thinking2hard13 about wanting to say exactly what she did…and now, I’ve created my own little masterpiece.
Man, I love my life.