David and I went our separate ways and, as you’ve seen, life threw some major curve balls my direction.
I was in the midst of the worst time of my life. To make matters worse for me, I was watching my ex-boyfriend having some of the best moments of his. Let’s be honest, it’s hard to be happy for someone else when there isn’t an ounce of happiness in your existence. And, even harder when you’ve been hurt by this happy party. David and Stacey moved forward. I heard through the grape-vine how fantastic they were together. My jealousy of his happiness clouded my vision. I needed an excuse to ignore my disastrous state and his happiness supplied enough ammunition to distract me for months. How could someone who cheated deserve the happiness that I didn’t have?
David and Stacey got engaged. Sadly, all I could think about was how I was his only serious girlfriend that didn’t get a proposal. Ouch.
Of course, this pushed me only further into the arms of a man who loved when I was weak. Until that fateful day in July, when my battered body walked out the front door.
I didn’t talk to David for several months after that. He knew where I was; I knew he was planning his nuptials. I had nothing to say to him. Until I received a text message from my sister, Bella, in late August (right about the time that James and I reunited).
Bella: “David and Stacey broke up.”
Me: “Ha. Okay.”
Bella: “No, they really did, Fina. I saw it online. I don’t have details, but something is going on. Thought you’d want to know.”
Anyone that really knows me knows that I blow smoke quite a bit. If I’m hurt, I get defensive and, at times, take it out on people who aren’t really to blame. Yes, David hurt me…but nobody deserves a broken heart. And, truth be told, one of my biggest weaknesses is also one of my biggest strengths…it’s my heart.
It seemed David and I had something in common again. Rotting, barely beating, and pathetically pain-stricken blood pumpers.
I called him. I’m not sure why I called. He probably didn’t want to speak to me. I had sent him several nasty emails and called at inappropriate times. I insulted his fiancée; I insulted him. I took the blogosphere by storm with immature insults. He shouldn’t have wanted to talk to me, really. Regardless of those things, my heart started really aching for David. Empathy overwhelmingly cleared my mind. It was time to reach out…even if I’d been a total dick in the past. I was going to swallow my pride. And I did.
He didn’t pick up the phone, so I opted out of a voicemail and sent a text instead.
Me: “Hey David, it’s Fina. I just…I wanted to say that I heard you’re not doing so hot right now. This is my number. Feel free to use it.”
My phone was ringing within minutes. It was David.
Me: “Hey guy.”
David: “Fina…why are you calling?”
I explained the gem that I’d heard through the rumor-mill. He sat quietly, listening to my lengthy explanation.
Me: “I know we haven’t spoken. I don’t want anything from you. I just know how hard it can be when you feel like you don’t have anyone to talk to…I was thinking…I know that pain. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I’m here if you need someone to talk to. That’s all.”
David: “Can you meet me? I’m just driving around.”
Me: “Name the place. I’ll be there in 30.”
David and I met at Buffalo Wild Wings. It was appropriate and safe. At least if he (or I) decided to start slinging insults, we’d be in public.
Insults didn’t fly.
I told him my story. He told me his.
We sat there…staring at each other across the bar table. And, in that instant, I looked at him as a different man. David was not the person I dated. I was not his ex-girlfriend. We’d lived enough life in our (almost) 2 years apart that none of that mattered anymore.
I went to his house that night. We watched our favorite tv show. He drank until he passed out. I went home. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the beginning of one of my most cherished friendships.
The way I see it?
Life is far too complicated to over-think it. You either live it and listen to (and follow) your heart, or you over-analyze it and miss out on some pretty fantastic opportunities.
David and I speak regularly now. He has been one of my biggest confidants and the time we spend together is so worth the epic disaster we created together.
And, in a strange twist of perspective, I might be the only ex-girlfriend that walked away without an engagement ring, but I’ll always have my David. We’ll always be there for each other. Our friendship survived the pain created by two ex-fiancees. He helped me get over James.
That’s far better than a shiny piece of metal.