11. The ‘If’ in Life

Last August I was without a job and, without a doubt, in need of a life makeover. I spent some time putting together different resumes to send to employers for various positions. For the first time in over a year, I was feeling a bit of regret for leaving the classroom but I knew that my regret probably stemmed from not having (now) the same security that I did as a teacher (then).

Regardless of what was to happen between James and I, I needed to move forward. If anything was going to happen between the two of us, I probably needed to get my act together first.

I applied to any job within a 50 mile radius of my house. If I could handle dealing with 17-year-old teenagers 8 hours a day, I could surely answer phones and make coffee…or clean toilets…or change diapers (and clean asses).

Officially, I was hired as an assistant teacher at a high-end preschool. I worked in the pre-K room with 4 and 5-year-old kids. They were hilarious. We played tag, they sang their favorite songs to me (including Taylor Swift’s “You Belong with Me”), and we read books. The Lead Teacher in the room was fun. If you’re a GLEE fan, imagine Sue Sylvester.  She was sexually ambiguous…and I always tried to play detective and figure out what was going on in her brain…and what she was doing in her free time. To this day I still have no idea if she liked boys or girls. It doesn’t really matter…but it definitely gave me something to do when my kids and I got bored talking about Bratz or Diego.

Within a month of part-time $8 dollar an hour employment, I was offered a new position. Full-time, Co-Lead Teacher…in the room for 12 – 18 month old babies.

Was I thrilled? Yes. I was getting a raise and benefits. Was I apprehensive? Yes. I’m not a baby person. I’m more of a “I like you more when you’re old enough to wipe your own ass…and then we can play until you pass out or puke” kind of person. 3+ and we’re best friends…if you shit yourself, you’re your mother’s problem.

Anyway, I had two weeks before starting the new position. So, in those two weeks I needed to change my frame of mind. I loved babies, I’d always wanted babies…maybe this would be great training…for when…I…had babies?

Oh yeah…James hadn’t called. Neat-o.

If I was going to move forward with life, I was going to have to suck it up and learn to love hanging with crawly-drooly little people. That I could do…but was it possible to forget about James and my one ‘moment of weakness’ when I let him have the goods without being committed?

That seemed far more difficult.


2 thoughts on “11. The ‘If’ in Life

  1. Hahaha, what a nice change of pace. You know, that’s why I like the idea of adoption. You can get one that’s already potty trained direct from the company!

    Justin Kunst

    P.S. – You know, I think that one night fling with James was just what you needed to put the past where it belongs… in the past!

    • I agree. IF I would’ve made it a one-night fling, it totally would have been exactly what I needed. Unfortunately, a broken heart doesn’t steer you in the right direction (most of the time). That’s why I write, reflect, and make better decisions now.

      p.s. The sex was good though…hard to walk away from after one shot.

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