10. Tick Tock


Part of the conundrum that was James and I, that I’ve forgotten to mention up to this point, was that James (after feeling rejected by yours truly) packed his bags and moved to a city 500 miles away. Let’s backtrack a bit.

****

When I heard this news, when I knew he would no longer be within arms length, I think it’s  safe to say (upon reflection) my feelings started to change. Call it immaturity or ignorance but I never really knew how great he was until he left. In fairness, I don’t think I knew that my heartstrings were being pulled.

Even then, even if I knew in that moment, it was too late for us. I was seeing Ike (and he was still charming) and James was ready for a new chapter in his life.

****

Back to the morning after our  quick step…

He was leaving (on a jet plane) that day. There was no discussion of our status, no implications that led me to believe things would progress, and no time to worry about it.

When I walked into Ellen’s house, I was forced to answer a barrage of questions. I passed the test, thankfully. My cover wasn’t blown.

One of the trickiest parts of our ‘relationship’ would be covering up for our indiscretions. Both James and I, during our quick morning after conversation, agreed that making our situation known publicly would be bad news.

I knew his mother would be excited and I didn’t want to put that sort of pressure on something new. He didn’t want to have to continuously answer questions. He’s a vault. I’m down with keeping a secret or two. Life was semi-simple.

After the questions died down and I was able to go home and shower, Ellen sent me a text. Our conversation follows:

E: “I’m very happy that you’re moving forward, Fina”

Me: “Thanks. It feels good to get out of my own way.”

E: “We all knew you and James would hook up eventually. It was inevitable.”

Me: “Ha. I’m not sure about that, but we’ll see.”

E: “What happens now?”

Coming out of the train-wreck of a relationship I endured, I can tell you that I didn’t like not having answers. However, the last thing I wanted to do was push someone away that could be great.

I had several moves I could make. I could: take the straight forward approach and ask him immediately (like, right when his plane landed), I could pretend I was a boy and didn’t care, or I could play it like the intelligent girl that I was and wait for him to contact me.

He would, obviously, contact me…ugh…right?

…and then the waiting began.

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2 thoughts on “10. Tick Tock

  1. You know, I could kinda see it from Jame’s point of view. He’s almost use to being rejected by you at this point, he may have built his entire structure of the two of you around the idea that he can safely attempt to flirt and expect to get the same result each time – failure. Safe and secure failure.

    Then this happens. Blammo – you just throw yourself in the way of his moving train. Talk about throwing him into a spin. After everything is said and done, what’s he going to gravitate back towards? Failure – the old safe and secure.

    I’m kinda jumping ahead of myself now. But what about what he wants? Does James even want to take your relationship to a new context? That might interfere with the woman who you know nothing about at his job that he’s attempting to court.

    Well, IDK. I guess I better just turn the page…

    Justin Kunst
    @justinkunst

    • Justin,

      James wanted to take it to another level previous to our night together. I assumed (rather ignorantly) that his feelings hadn’t changed.

      He definitely gravitates back to safety and security. Keep going!

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