It didn’t take long for James to figure out where I intended to sleep either.
Sitting on his bed with my legs crossed, I gave him a flash of a smile. Sly, cautious, and eager, James asked me what I wanted as he climbed on top of my already anxious body. No more words were spoken.
This wasn’t the most romantic of situations. We were at his parents’ house (he’d just graduated from college) and his buddies would only take a few more minutes to realize that James and I weren’t in the living room with them.
Dirty little secret #1: I’m definitely not a screamer, but I’m not quiet during sex either. With so many people in the house, this could be a problem.
To keep from waking the parents (which, if you remember, know who I am) I grabbed his hand and placed it over my mouth. Not in a dominatrix kind of way, but it was kinky enough that he clearly became more excited.
I think James was surprised by my sexual prowess. Up until this very moment, I was always in serious, monogamous relationships. And my serious, committed boyfriends were the only people with whom I was intimate. I think he assumed that ‘relationship’ sex was boring and, in turn, thought sex with me would be boring too.
James had very few serious relationships. In fact, I can only think of two girls that he ever seriously dated. Both of which happened to be when we were in high school. So, it’s not surprising that I thought our sex would be bad…immature.
The session lasted more than 2 hours. It was exciting, it was uninhibited, and it was exactly what I needed it to be, to feel like a normal woman again. Ike’s perception that I was unattractive and unworthy was gone. At least for the early morning hours of that day.
Looking back, I wish I knew what was going on in James’ head. He tried for this moment for two years before he had any idea that it might happen. Then, for me to just walk in and give myself to him, well…I wish I knew what that was like. Perhaps someday I’ll convince him to share those thoughts/feelings with me. Right now, however, isn’t that time.
Afterward, James and I passed out with no discussion of the events that unfolded. What do you say in that moment anyway?
Morning came, James’ friend who was to take me back to my car had conveniently left, and I was stranded at his house. Luckily, I wasn’t the only one stranded so it wasn’t awkward to walk out of the house. I couldn’t really be labeled a ‘shacker’ by anyone that wasn’t sleeping in the basement that night. Dad didn’t know.
We started our walk of shame and, immediately, I felt my face start burning from embarrassment. It had been quite some time since the last time I’d been with someone for such an amount of time. My legs and girl parts hated me. I was positive you could tell by the small strides I was taking as we climbed the stairs at his house.
I knew I looked funny walking, but I didn’t realize how bad it was until I was dropped off at the sight of my vehicle. My best friend Ellen was there, waiting for me to show my sinning face.
As I jumped out of the vehicle and started to walk to her front door, I heard her nonchalant tone coming from a second story window.
“Hey whore. Why do you look like you’re doing the quick step?”
With that, I turned to wave at James (who had to hear her) and continued my 2/4 beat approach to the front door.
For the next two days, speed bumps were not my friends.